I've been working on this project that I just can't get right. I'm starting to think I'm not up to it, I'm not good enough to do it. I'm getting frustrated and my feelings get hurt too easily and it's all so exhausting. And I'm already so tired all the time.
I hate to quit. I hate quitting. But I'm not sure the people I'm working with are happy with me, and I don't want to put so much time and energy into something that someone else is going to think, "Okay, fine, that's good enough."
Maybe I'm unrealistic, or need too much praise. Maybe I was raised with too much praise and I have an inflated idea of my talents. Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. Maybe I suck.
Some days I feel like I missed my calling. I don't know what it was, but maybe it isn't this. I'm not doing much theatre work anymore...and I wish I was, but at the same time my life is a lot easier when I don't. I like the graphic design work, but it's largely been unappreciated and unnoticed (even when widely used--i.e. the Save KTRU logo). I wish I could do something that other people found really valuable.
I have downgraded today--I was wearing my PJs and now I took them off and put on a robe. Pretty soon I'll just be swaddled in a blanket on my bed. You can tell where my mood is going.
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