Lessons Learned Lately

I’ve had a tough few years, but while deep in contemplation the other day (I was staring at a spot on the carpet, no kidding) I realized that I’ve actually learned a lot, too. And not just bad things.

So, in an effort to put them down on paper and see the sum of my flailing through life, here you go:

1. How to cry silently. You had to in the hospital or it was written down. Too much crying=days added to your stay. So I learned to do it quietly and surreptitiously wipe the tears away, or hide them behind a book.
2. How to keep raging emotions in check. Partially learned in the hospital, partially in every day life. My emotions tend to run high and close to the surface—that can be pretty counter-productive.
3. I am loved. Even if I sometimes feel like I’m not, I am. I have a family willing to stick by me no matter what, friends who will give me a shoulder when I want it and a good talking to when I need it.
4. Grace is learned. Also, grace is very, very hard. But practice makes...better. Not perfect, but better.
5. When we lose loved ones (human or animal), we must fight to keep their memory alive and relevant. At my wedding I put up pictures of my grandparents, father and Mike’s grandparents; it just felt right. I had so many people afterwards tell me how much it meant to them. Too often we try to sweep negative or sad things under the rug, including the loss of those we love. But then we risk losing their memory.
6. It’s okay to be sad. It is. It really, really is. It’s not being self-centered, or negative, or a bummer or whatever...you have a right to feel what you feel. Whatever that is. And if someone seems sad to you, ASK. Don’t ignore it. Don’t turn away from them. Ask them what is wrong. They may not tell you, but the mere act of asking can make all the difference in their day. In their life, even.
7. If you dislike someone, it’s only because you don’t know them well enough. My therapist told me this. Of course, it doesn’t apply to someone who has SERIOUSLY hurt you, but if you meet someone and just don’t like them...it may be because you don’t know their story. Everyone is at least a little empathetic, if you find out why they are the way they are, maybe that understanding can lead to acceptance if not liking or eventually love.
8. Go for it. Whatever it is. Go for it. The money will come. The respect will come. The “whatever”, fill-in-the-blank, it WILL come. If you are doing something you believe in, something you love, you will find success. It may not look like what you envisioned, but as long as you’re happy it doesn’t matter if it glitters or just glints.
9. Don’t derive your self-worth from others. This is an especially hard one, that I still struggle with. If I’m rejected, judged unworthy, or disliked...it gets to me. I start to doubt myself, my abilities, sometimes even my worldview—I’m trying to stop this. For every negative thing about me, there are at least two positive things, so someone focusing on my negative aspects (or making them up, or blowing them out of proportion) isn’t seeing the whole picture and is not qualified to judge. Likewise for someone who focuses only on my positives (whoever THAT is—my Mom may be the only one).

To be continued, I hope. I’m never done learning. Especially about myself—sometimes I feel like I haven’t met me.