Musings on Grace

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of grace. The Free Dictionary online says:
grace
n.
1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4.
a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
b. Mercy; clemency.
5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.
7. Graces Greek & Roman Mythology: Three sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia, who dispense charm and beauty.
8.
a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
c. An excellence or power granted by God.
9. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal.
10. Grace Used with His, Her, or Your as a title and form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.
11. Music An appoggiatura, trill, or other musical ornament in the music of 16th and 17th century England.

That kind of grace—the bolded stuff. The idea that we can be graceful, gracious, full of grace...if we try. I don’t think grace is easy, which probably means it’s a more valuable thing to attain because it is difficult. And, unlike a merit badge, you don’t just get it and forget it. Trying to practice grace is just that—practice. One day you’ll be gracious, full of good will and good works...and the next someone has cut you off in traffic, you’re cursing, grumpy and about to take it out on a defenseless computer or co-worker once you get to work.

I think everyone has the ability to be gracious, and almost everyone practices it to some extent, but I don’t think it’s our pre-set, our default. We have an animal nature that wants, needs, is selfish, short-sighted and short-tempered. Then again, as humans, we also have reason, unselfish love, free well. So we can CHOOSE to be gracious.

Sometimes it’s hard.

Sometimes you want to curse at the driver in front of you. And who does it hurt? The jackass is on his cell, going 20 mph, there is no way he can hear you. But it does hurt. It hurts you.

While that urge to curse, shake your fist, flash your lights, or whip around him while giving him the middle-finger salute might feel overwhelming, and it sure does feel like it might make you feel good in the short term, it will harm you in the long term.

Not because some nosy god is watching your every move, or some old dead guy is going to look up your “sins” in a giant, magic book after all this is destroyed. No, because it makes you dislike yourself that much more. Because inside, somewhere, maybe even subconsciously, you will realize that what you did was ungracious and all-together too “in the moment” and had no real benefit to anyone. The cell phone guy didn’t learn his lesson, you didn’t get to your destination any quicker, and it didn’t truly make you happy.

So, practicing grace benefits others and, by extension, you. Not truly a selfish act, because others benefit, but not truly a completely selfless act either. But are there any selfless acts? The mother who throws herself in front of a train to save her toddler, perhaps, but not many of us are called upon to ever do something so drastic. Would you throw yourself in front of a train to save a stranger? Maybe, maybe not. You’ll probably never know...but you will get a chance to practice selflessness and grace on a minute, daily, mostly-unnoticed basis. And perhaps those tiny acts of grace will prove to you that, given the opportunity, you may throw yourself in front of that train for a stranger.

What about for an enemy? Would you do it to save an enemy? Hmm, a trickier question. And altogether different than pushing an enemy in front of an oncoming train—in that scenario you are trying to harm. In this one you would merely be a bystander, witnessing your enemy’s gruesome demise. Would you do it? Or would you do something to help?

If that help cost you...would you do it? What if it didn’t cost you anything—perhaps you have gained super strength and could stop the train with only a strained muscle. Would you save them?

These are the things that plague me. What is good? Am I good? This, this thing I am doing—is it good? Is it gracious? Some things, actions, thoughts are pretty obvious—yes, this is a good deed; no, that is a selfish one.

One of my greatest stumbling blocks is “love thy neighbor”. I find myself often irritated by my fellow human beings, some anonymously and some quite personally (i.e. my annoying neighbor who has no idea she’s annoying me, and someone who takes every chance to talk about me behind my back...while still making sure I find out that the shit talking occurred). I know you can’t love everyone, nor am I really trying, but I am trying to tolerate my fellow humans and not hate, resent, be manipulated by them. Not exactly divine grace, but it gets me through the day!

Anyway, these are my musings. And to those of you who practice grace so well (and I have a surprising number of friends who can hold their tongues, do nice things for people without expecting a benefit, etc.): KUDOS!